Are you wondering what the safe thing to do when your ex texts you? Imagine you have been minding your own business, and doing well at that and out of nowhere, you receive a text from your ex.

Are you wrong to be second-guessing what to do when your ex texts you? No, you are not wrong. In fact, if for anything, it is a decent question and you are doing the best trying to guide your heart against a relapse. Would it be advisable for you to answer when your ex texts you?

When you have been in a business of moving on from a breakup, whether horrible, ugly, or an agreed mutual parting of ways, at this point, when your ex texts you all of a sudden there are certain feelings that you are going to feel and some questions that will be nudging your mind. This text poses a tendency to derail the progress you have made at healing and moving on and you are going to wonder why your ex is texting you.

Even though getting a text from your ex is not in your to-do list, yet it is going to leave you surprised, shocked, excited or indifferent. As you are battling to decide how you feel about your ex texting you, another thing to decide is how you would react? Do you need to respond in the first place?

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What is the most ideal approach to protect your heart?

What to do when your ex texts you?


It is already established that your underlying feelings are likely to be one of shock, whether pleasant not; defense - trying not to appear miserable even when you may be; anger, if you have not fully healed before your ex texts you; and excitement, if you have been hoping he would reach out someday. Well, all of these feelings will considerably determine how you are going to react to them, but before choosing that, simply take a second to think. Take a moment to think rationally and be in charge.

Now, you may have to consider what is happening on the side of your ex. Why is he texting you? What does he want from you? Is he just asking that you return his photo album in your custody? Is he texting to just know if you have moved on or just to know how you are doing? Is he texting to extend a hand of friendship (platonic by the way) to you? Does he just want to gauge if you still have some feelings for him? Is he texting for a booty call? Does he miss you for real?

Whatever happens, remember that you are in charge and you owe your ex nothing, especially if you think they treated you less than you deserved.

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Before you decide how to react or respond, think about what you need, what is safe for your fragile heart? 

If you react with clear distinctions to all the concerns mentioned above, you will be sure of the different approaches to use in handling yourself when your ex text you. You can make a better sense of what to do when your ex texts you.

For instance, if you have no reason to entertain the idea of having your ex in your life in any way, then you have no business responding. Don’t react even if it comes off as ghosting them when it is not. You may appear mean, rude, inconsiderate or insensitive. But when you know too well that you don’t need them in your life, at that point don’t give them access. You don’t give them a reason to think they are wanted. Don’t lead them on.

What if they are honestly texting just to get an answer from you, or to ask for their stuff in your custody or simply wanting to connect in any cordial way? Well, answer if you must and if you truly accept that is all it is. Also, if you have both ended things for in a long time and you two have also moved on you may need to have to be mature enough to accept the hand of friendship, when it is simply without expectations.

What do you do when your ex texts you?

1. Be gentle with yourself and process your feelings

Getting a text from your ex can really throw your whole day off, especially if you weren't expecting it, it can throw you off because you don't always open your phone or social media with your guard up. The first thing to do when your ex text you are to try to be gentle with yourself and your feelings. If getting the text succeeded in bombing the day for you and probably made you revisit old memories and more, allow yourself to deal with the feelings first and after that develop a plan for how you will try to have a better day tomorrow even if another text comes from them.

Take your time to process and calm down before deciding about if you should respond or not. That way you can rely more on logic, instead of any reactionary emotions you might have.

2. Manage your expectations.

In fact, it is safer to say have no expectations at all. But even if you do, make sure your expectations are minimal in responding, also make sure not to communicate your expectations in any way. It is your sole responsibility to ensure that you don’t raise your hopes so high, where you will be let down the second time.

In fact, it is safer to say have no expectations at all. But even if you do, make sure your expectations are minimal in responding, also make sure not to communicate your expectations in any way. It is your sole responsibility to ensure that you don’t raise your hopes so high, where you will be let down the second time.

Your ex is a strong part of your memories. They represent a lot of good and bad energy in your life. When an ex appears suddenly out of nowhere, you will find yourself going down the memory lane, and some of these memories are painful. It will be meaningless to allow your expectations or hopes to go up unnecessarily. For instance, if you think they treated you poorly and you think they owe you an apology, it could feel natural to get your hopes up when you see a text from them. Managing what you expect from them can be a helpful tool in protecting your feelings and heart from being hurt by them again.

3. Consider blocking or muting their number.

If the breakup is only recent, if you are still dealing with the pains, betrayal, disappointment, and hurt of the breakup, you may need to consider blocking or muting their number to give yourself time to heal first. Cutting off all contact with them will give you the time to focus on yourself and your happiness.

If you are in a position where you don’t mind connecting with them casually, you may need to set their number to "do not disturb" on your phone, so that, if they text again, their message won't take you by shock entirely.

It is wise you determine what sort of communication you are comfortable having with your ex. Overall, make sure you are being gentle with yourself throughout all of this because you deserve it.

4. Add an obvious value to yourself

I don’t think you even have any business responding to your ex’s text if you have not taken time to add more value to your life. Until you have had sufficient time to build value, you shouldn’t react to their text messages. I believe you are an amazing person, so I am not disputing that, but there are things you can do to cause your ex to see that they made a mistake.

You want to reinforce that you have some special qualities that they have taken for granted and along the way, pick up a few new things that will cause them to sit up and notice. There are lots of things you can do to become a better version of yourself before they left you; do them and make sure they know about it

5. Be agreeable but don’t return to how things were before.

Yes, it can be jarring to receive a text from your ex, but no matter how you feel about them, don’t let your emotions have the better part of you. If you didn’t block their line after, then separate yourself from the experience you had with them. So, don’t you appear like a wounded child? Keep your line of communication open, warm and agreeable. There is no need to be petty on your ex.

However, don’t return to how things were. Even if you really would like to get back together with them, it is only safer to remind yourself why you ended things in the first place. You two had a reason or reason why you got separated first.

Take your time to identify what that was. What caused the breakup in any case, deal with it and if you both think you can work through it together and make it work, and then you can gradually let the relationship take its shape as each day unfolds.

6. Be wary but honest.

Most of the time, your ex will text you simply to try things out. They may need to check whether you will reply if you are still hurting if you have moved on or even you still have a thing for them. They may be texting for some other things that don’t have you in the picture. So they may not be planning to meet you in person nor restore the old fire. They just want to selfishly feel important by knowing you have not moved on and probably still hurting.

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Regardless of their reasons, if you have taken time to check yourself and you choose to respond to them, be straightforward and honest. Do not play to their levels, be the bigger and mature person.

Don’t lie nor lead them on when there is definitely there for them. If they say they miss you and you don’t feel the same about them, there is no need to pretend you miss them too. Don't give them the impression they have a chance if they don't.

Whatever happens, be your authentic self and be honest about it.  

7. Ask them why they are texting you.

If you cannot ascertain what they need, ask them. If you have waited and you didn’t hear them state what they want from you, then bring it up yourself. If they haven’t asked you a particular question or clarified why they messaged you, ask them straight up.

8. Don’t discuss your dating life.

Yes, don’t. As much as you need to make up for the lost time and it is pleasant to do as such, do whatever it takes not to raise your dating life. However, if it is a case of your ex hoping that you both can get back together while you have moved on, then you have to fill them in as to whether you are seeing somebody or not. Be that as it may, don’t vent about dating or discussing it personally.

More importantly, do your best not to rub it in case you have simply moved on while they haven’t.

9. It might be an emergency or critical situation for your ex

Finally on my list, before you respond to a sudden text from your ex, make sure you have gone through a no-contact period where you have taken some space and a communications blackout from your ex to heal and take care of yourself. However, if an emergency has occurred, it is understandable you respond. If there is important information you both need to exchange, then certainly do that and still explain to your ex why you think you still need some time to take care of yourself.

It can happen to any of us. One day, you are minding our own business and then your ex texts you. This kind of shock can make for a super awkward conversation, depending on how you handle it.

In some cases, it is almost a dream to have an ex that had so much influence in your life call you. You almost want to relive the life you had with him. While this is a natural reaction, it is safest to not give in to your curiosity at this time.

Always remember that a text from him could derail your progress with your current relationship. So you want to take care, to ensure you are not drawn back to the same web, no matter how much you may fancy it.

Here are 9 things you should do when your ex text you

  • Don’t respond if your ex is being sarcastic or bitter about what has happened between the two of you.
  • Don’t respond when your ex sends you a desperate texting plea to meet to discuss the breakup.
  • Don’t respond if you still feel angry and resentful. Fight back those urges to text him because it will make things worse.
  • Don’t respond if you are unsure that there is a need to have him in your life.
  • Don’t respond if you suspect he drunk texted you.
  • Don’t respond to his text messages if you have already decided to move on and end the relationship permanently.
  • Don’t respond if you have not decided why you want to talk to them.
  • Don't rush into a response, friendship, or rebound. You don't need to be friends right away.
  • When you feel an urgency to respond right away, don’t respond.
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