I think life is an endless game of seduction and more often we find ourselves seduced or being the seducer. Sometimes, we bring our quest to the world of texting also.
Texting could be a key to winning her. But what can you do when she’s not texting back? These 5 tips will greatly improve your chances of getting a reply. Thanks to the digital age, we live with seduction that can be done in many ways, and in different forms like text messages video calls, etc.
But why are some people always successful with the other sex while others can’t get a reply after a date. What is the difference? Is it looks? Is it money? Or is it something else; something you’ve probably never even thought of?
But first, let’s start at the beginning…
It was a Sunday afternoon, I had gone out of my way to visit an old friend, let’s call him Mr. E. E. and I started gisting about the usual stuff we do. For example, love, politics and the hustle of life when he suddenly paused to pick up his phone. He stared into its screen and frowned. Curious, I asked, “what’s wrong?” E. sighed, a frustrated sigh and narrated to me how he met this girl at a party, she was an eight, but he made her seem like a ten. He talked about how he took her number and later on called her to say ‘hi’. She didn’t answer so he went on to texting her. The text, unfortunately, was also left unanswered.
“What did I do wrong?” he asked.
“Lemme see the text,” I replied and stared at the phone screen. The text was short and it read: “Hey, I called you earlier. I hope you are good, I just wanted to say hi.”
“What?” Mr. E. asked, obviously taking my silence as confirmation that he had done something wrong. But he didn’t do anything wrong.
In fact, what he wrote was the same thing a million other guys would have written and that’s the problem. The text was simple and boring. And I’m not saying every text you send to a woman must be an Oscar-worthy piece, but a little effort, some intrigue and a bit of mild flirting might have gotten a different response. But it wasn’t just about the text; Mr. E. was neglecting something, something he had overlooked and could be the single underlining reason she was not responding.
You see, human beings from our earliest days have always resorted to our primal instincts to survive. We interact with one another on a purely emotional level. So, we form human connections based on how we feel, and what we take subconsciously and consciously. This is why forming physical connections is one of your best chances of creating something far more tangible.
Think about it. Have you ever met someone on a chatting platform or a dating website, but when you met them in person, it was something different? Because meeting them in person, your brain registers it as your ‘first contact’, so it’s like you are trying to establish a fresh relationship even though she’s familiar. It’s like when you taste something you’ve had as a kid and it tastes so different but yet similar. That’s why you find yourself nervous or shy to speak with someone you’ve been with online for months. It feels different and has a longer, stronger impact on you emotionally.
Knowing this, it’s harder to make real connections via texts, and even if you could try and recreate a similar experience, texting it won’t come close to the impact of a physical meeting. Body language, vocal tone, presence, and energy even bodily smell, all come together toward forming an emotional connection with a person.
Seeing someone physically, seeing the warmth of their smile, or the hearing the sound of their laughter those are irreplaceable elements that solidify their presence in your mind. Online or on-screen texting can’t suffice. It can’t recreate those moments or manufacture the impact that they have on us. Impressions have already been formed on the first meeting, and by the time you get to text her with a follow-up, chances are she already knows how she feels about you and for your sake, I pray it’s a good one.
E. obviously had not made an impact with this girl and was now confused by her indifference to his attempts. It wasn’t about the text because you could write the world’s worst text and she’ll still reply to you if you’ve had a good connection from the start. Creating good, strong connections would help you have a stronger impact on her and inspire a more meaningful relationship.
Look, a woman is not so complicated. Even men aren’t complicated. We want simple things fundamentally and would do our best to get them. If we feel like we are having a good connection with someone, we’ll try to hold on to it. You’re not going to create a lifelong bond, over a twenty-minute conversation but at least push toward that direction first before anything else. You would be surprised by the outcome.
Although, there are some other reasons why Mr. E.’s text would have been ignored (and I’m going to tackle that below), those are the things that might not necessarily be within our power to control or change but are merely the unsaid factors that influence why your text was not responded to or what made her stop speaking with you entirely.PARAGRAPH
Why you’re having poor emotional connections – The things you cannot change.
People always find a way to circle back blame on themselves when things don’t work out in relationships. Mr. E. is a prime example. He believed it was completely his fault for someone not responding to his attempts. But like most things in life, it takes two and some factors might greatly influence the woman not responding. These are also the factors that might hinder any attempts you make toward forming a good connection with someone.
They are the external factors that are beyond your control but also have a significant impact on her decisions.
These factors are:
- She didn’t think you were compatible:
This could be due to a lot of reasons. Most people have a checklist in their heads, a sort of guideline that helps them while dating. Some lists could have things like he should want to have kids by next year or he should want to get married soon. This might not be what you wanted or even ready for so sensing, that she might have concluded that you both were incompatible.
- She might still be hung up on an ex:
It’s not easy to break emotional ties and sometimes it takes a lot to actually end a relationship with someone and let it go. Most people still have difficulty leaving their ex’s and if he were to resurface and reach out she might choose him over you. Seeing as they have a long history with one another whereas you both just started.
- She doesn’t find you physically attractive:
Not everyone would find you drop-dead gorgeous, it’s simply how it is and nothing except for surgery can change that. Perhaps, she wanted a six-five dark, skinned guy with tar-black hair but you’re a five-nine, light-skinned man who doesn’t like keeping his hair. So, she might not feel physically attracted to you.
- She’s an attention seeker or just wanted validation:
Some women go on multiple dates just so they can say they went on multiple dates. It’s not something serious, some just like the attention and a reason to dress up or wear makeup. So, after the date, they usually don’t want anything else to do with the person.
- There’s someone else:
If you find her attractive, chances are other guys do too. Like I mentioned earlier, some women go on multiple dates and within one of those she might have found someone she felt more connected to around the same time she met you. Maybe they had just finished their first date and she felt like seeing where it was going without any other distractions. So, this might be the reason she’s ignoring you.
Why you’re having poor emotional connections – The things you can change.
In every rule, there’s always an exception. In that light, there are some things that even you can admit are patterns in your life. If you’ve noticed that this is a repeated thing where women seem to leave maybe after the first date or ignore your messages then it is worth examining for yourself. The first step to solving a problem is recognizing it. Try to understand what it could be that’s causing ladies to ignore your messages and subtle advances, and what you could do to change it.
Here are some things that might be affecting your forming meaningful relationships with women:
- She didn’t like your smell:
This is something that I have heard girls complain about time and time again. Women are sensitive to smell and we pick up on the faintest scents and smells very quickly. If a guy smells bad, it doesn’t matter how smooth or handsome he is, we just want to get away from him. Knowing this, you could always ensure that you use good colognes or perfumes. And I’m not saying go crazy with it, just a little spray here and there to get the job done. Check your breath also, a mint in a pocket is forever a wise choice. I always have at least two in my purse at all times, so take note.
- She thought all you wanted was to sleep with her:
Maybe you were a bit too flirty or you kept making overly crude or sexual jokes and ignoring her red flags. Some women won’t blatantly tell you to f**k off but they’ll think it. Did you pay attention to what she was saying? Or where you just jumping to the next conversation without listening to what she had to say. Take a few seconds to consider what she had to say before you reply to her. Always make her feel like you’re listening and disagree with some of her points so you don’t sound like the yes-man.
- It was too platonic:
It might sound like a contradiction but it’s not. There’s a balance for everything and at the end of the day, this is a girl you want to date and one day become sexual with or not (if that’s what you prefer). But you have to establish a relationship with a bit of a sexual hint to it otherwise you might just get friend-zoned. She needs to understand that you’re compatible but you’re still a man and she, a woman. Using light physical contact, eye contact, seating close to her and/or whispering in her ear is a good way to go.
- She didn’t trust you:
You might have presented yourself as dishonest or not being straight forward. This might be accidental on your part but trust me, it’ll still leave a nasty impression. But perhaps you were just nervous and so had difficulty opening up to her and letting her see the real you. I understand dating is nerve-racking at times, but it doesn’t have to be –not with the right girl. You just need to open up a bit more, don’t be nervous, she’s not Godzilla (at least I hope she’s not). You could even open up about being nervous –girls like seeing your vulnerable side. They want to know that this is really you and not some mask you’re putting on to impress them. Be honest and open and she will feel a lot more relaxed around you.
- You didn’t get to know each other:
Fundamentally, that’s why you’re here. To know this person and decide where you want them to be in your life. If she feels like she doesn’t know you and you don’t know her then why should she waste time on this. The idea is to form a meaningful emotional connection so ask her questions about herself and don’t be cocky. Listen to what she says and try and understand why she’s so crazy or fun and enjoy every minute of it or don’t. But if you don’t then why are you doing it? You want someone you can enjoy time with but you need to know this person first.
So, let’s recap all we’ve learned today.
- If you want those long, strong emotional connections, then texting doesn’t cut it.
- Presentation is everything from your smell to your breath, but what really sells the point is being a good listener. Caring for what she has to say and replying with your take in return.
- If it’s a pattern then you need to address it. Reflect on it and watch what you do so to understand yourself as well.
- Be vulnerable, it’s ok, to be honest, but just don’t be crude. There’s a fine line between ‘that’s sweet’ to ‘what an a**hole’.
I hope these tips help you in understanding and establishing meaningful relationships in the future. Don’t forget a little self-evaluation goes a long way.