Have you ever sat leg sprawled on your couch while you compose the world’s longest breakup text? You contemplated the best ways to end a relationship. You had probably reached that point where you knew the relationship was at its final point but ending it seemed so harsh. How do you say it’s over without it sounding like 'f**k you and F**k this, it’s over'?

There are a million and one reasons to close the chapter to any relationship but I’ll leave your reasons to you. Life is an endless maze of choices and it’s particularly hard to make a choice that has the potential of hurting or harming someone else. To end a relationship means letting go and that’s not easy either.

Love is a funny fiery feeling but when it’s lost we all know it. Perhaps this is one of those situations where you can’t even explain why you’re letting go but it just feels wrong being with him. It’s hard to breathe freely when he’s there. You can’t even remember the last time you smiled without stopping. These situations are tough and there are lots more like it.

There never seems to be a simple way of conveying yourself without it being misinterpreted in some way. Sending a text seems like suicide because no matter how you try and write it. You’ll probably sound like a jerk. Other than that there’s a scary possibility that you’ll let yourself be emotional and end up send off negative emotions instead of the positive.

Should you end this: how to figure out if it’s time to end a relationship.

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Listen, I’m not trying to get you to change your mind on this, neither am I trying to pick a side on what I feel would benefit you. I just want you to understand that this is an important decision so before you take it there are some things you should consider.

Hopefully, you’ve probably considered them and so this is just reestablishing your decision and choice on the matter. Whichever the case I think it’s important that you keep reading.

Almost everyone struggles at some level to make the decision of ending a relationship. The longer they seem to stay in the relationship the harder it becomes to pull the plug. Most people hesitate from fear of starting all over again and continue enduring the relation. They seem lost somehow, and unable to decide whether to end a relationship or continue with it.

Here are some things to consider before finally deciding to end a relationship and move on.

1. Do you feel emotionally and physically safe

If you have to hesitate while answering this then it’s already a big sign that you should hop out of the relationship as soon as possible.

And I commend you for wanting to leave that sort of toxic environment. Your safety is one of the most important things that you should consider. People often stay in toxic unfavorable environments because of the feeling of love.

No man is worth your safety because the harsh truth is that life is too short and if something were to happen to you today. I bet he’ll move on from it tomorrow without a second thought.

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Wanting to leave such means you are thinking the right way. No man is worth your safety because the harsh truth is that life is too short and if something were to happen to you today. I bet he’ll move on from it tomorrow without a second thought.

2. You are both wrong for each other and you know it

Perhaps you just feel like you too don’t mix. People often say opposite attracts but opposites are actually quite incompatible.

If you’ve fallen into that type of relationship it’s easy to feel like you both just don’t seem to meet eye to eye. In that situation, there is no use in dragging it further simply let go. 

Hopefully, you’ll both be able to salvage a relationship from all of it and create something strong and substantial.

3. Have you spoken about it with someone you trust

Sometimes we might just be in our head, going crazy for no reason. In those crazy moments of insanity, it’s good to talk it out with a friend or loved one.

Someone who would give you a clear unbiased opinion on the matter. You don’t want to narrate it to a yes man that’ll just agree with everything you say or do.

Instead, you want someone that’ll be able to tell you the truth and voice an honest opinion on the matter.

4. Are you scared of being alone or starting over

It’s okay to feel a bit off about it. To end a relationship means to put a stop to something that originally brought you so much joy and happiness. Not to mention the times you spent just trying to make it work.

You wanted to see the best of the relationship and you tried your best to make it work. Now you want to start all that all over again.

The thought could be very intimidating because it’s a lot of work to end a relationship and start afresh again. But you know it’s for your betterment. Don’t be scared, it will work out. Tell yourself that every day and don’t be afraid of chasing it.

Don’t ever let yourself suffer in silence just because you’re afraid to end a relationship and start over again.

5. Have you spoken to him about it

Maybe you just need to communicate your worries, fears, and hopes with him. Communicate your thoughts and worries and see how they fly.

If you both can solve the problem then do. Don’t be afraid of confrontation.

Those kinds of fear could lead you to end a relationship prematurely. Talk to your boyfriend and if he’s adamant about proving a point instead of solving the problem then you know what to do.

6. Are you afraid that you’ll never bounce back after the breakup

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Don’t let this fear stop you I assure you almost every time you let go of or end a relationship you’ll definitely bounce back. It’s the way people are. We grow and develop from pain, no matter how hard or difficult things become.

You’ll always hurt from the first day to like the third or fourth. After that, it’ll wear off and you’ll start to realize why you made that choice.

Before you answer these or make your final decision please think about them for a minute. Be sure this is what you want and if all these signs check out are. But if you’re still a bit doubtful about it then don’t rush.

The right way to end a relationship is with courtesy and compassion.

When you want to end a relationship, you have to understand that it could not be as smooth as you hoped for. Your ex might not at all feel entitled to apologizing for anything and instead of bringing him ease, this might just break his heart.

But all this is temporary emotions and eventually, he’ll either come to understand your purpose for doing or just live with it.

Pulling yourself back from the situation is important, you don’t want to initiate a shouting contest between the two of you and no matter how you choose to convey your message it’s important to do so and leave the situation.

But before you get there you have to set the stage. Create a loving, gentle but firm environment for the breakup. You want him to remember that you tried your best regardless of how it turned out in the end.

Here’s what you need to do to ease the transition


Give him a heads up

The usual ‘we need to talk’ text usually sums up the characteristics of the coming conversation. Most people would already be able to sum up the conversation to come by the turn the relationship has been taking. This would just be like verification of what is to come.


Do it in person

It’s hard to look someone in the eyes and tell them that it’s over. In fact, most people spend hours trying to end a relationship as non physically as possible. Confrontation is hard and often could turn sour. But they are a necessary step because they stamp the it’s over sign more firmly. It’s easy to doubt that it’s all over but when you can look your ex in the eye and say it then you know it’s true and so does he.


Select a good location for it

The location where you choose to do this is very important. Breakups are horrible for both parties and you want to do it in the least hurtful way possible. Most people prefer public places but that’s a subjective matter. I’d say the only time you should consider doing it publicly is when you feel it’s unsafe for you to do it anywhere else. A public breakup would then guarantee that he doesn’t get physical.


Say exactly what you want to say and nothing more

Don’t try to be polite and edge around it. You know for a fact that you don’t want to be in the relationship anymore. Say what you want to say and leave it at that. There is no room for negotiation and unnecessary pleas. Be polite but direct with what you want and how you feel.


After the breakup, listen

Listen to what he has to say, if he has questions then hear him out and let him speak. Answer them if you can. This would help him grow from the experience and develop as a person. If he gets angry, understand and respect it. He’s probably sad and confused. You don’t need to stand there and weather it. You could give him the room and just leave.


Set boundaries

After the end of a relationship, it’s normal for you to feel like reaching out to your ex. But it’s the end of a relationship so you need to let it ride out. Set your limitations to the amount of correspondence you share with your ex. It’s a delicate place in both your lives and it’s wisest to give it time before even attempting reaching out.

How to take care of your ex after a breakup

Look I get it, he’s hurt and so are you. But you need to place yourself in his shoes and take a step back. It’s hard to let someone you love or loved to stay hurt. We always feel a pang of guilt especially when it was due to something we said or did. But if you try to reach out you might end up causing more pain than you intended. If you care about him then the best you can do is let him be. Allow him the room he requires to clear his thoughts and settle his emotions.

How to take care of yourself after a breakup

After a break up we often to prioritize ourselves and our needs. It’s easy to brush off self-care as though it never mattered. Most times we don’t even care to try. But this is wrong, you need to heal too and your emotions need to settle too.

Although it’s necessary to let your emotions wear out in its own time, it’s still necessary to take care of yourself so that they don’t end up ruling you.  Regardless of how you decided to end a relationship, it’ll always leave its effects on you.

But don’t fret, I’ll share some top tips for you to apply.

If you feel especially connected to any of these tips then apply it in your life and see what happens.

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  • Schedule some interesting activities for yourself: Baby girl you are young and beautiful, enjoy it. Go on a trip, set up a spa day, go shopping, splurge on some new furniture. The idea is to reconnect with your inner goddess and let yourself enjoy the thrills of being you again. I’m not saying destroy the bank but I’m sure you can find a way to splurge safely.
  • Write out the things that you hated about your previous relationship and ex: Create and keep that list with you at all times, you don’t want to ever forget it. Ex’s always seem more alluring when you’ve stoked out the relationship. Don’t fall for that illusions, review the list and reestablish your resolve. Reviewing it would help you remember why you’re not good for each other. That way you can move on and find someone more suited to you.
  • Take some time to reflect and think: Self-reflection is very important because it gives you a clearer view of what when wrong and what you should and could now do differently. You need to take out time to just think, reflect and grow. Fifteen minutes off your day could go a long way. Just take out the time to breathe and look back. What could you have done differently, what would you like to change for the next one. Why did what happen really happen?
  • Reach out to family and friends: You don’t have to do anything by yourself, there are always those people who love you and would always be there for you. If this is feeling more like a battle than a graceful transition then reach out to them. They love you and would always want to be there for you.
  • Don’t reach out to him: Scream this to yourself like a mantra if you have to. You’ve had to end a relationship because you weren’t happy. Going back to it after you let go would be a horrible mistake because it could ruin the possibility of a friendship between you two and could really end whatever you both built with each other.

The right way to end a relationship is with courtesy and compassion.

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The fact that you’re releasing this shows that you’ve probably made up your mind to end your relationship or you’ve already done so. I understand the place that you’re in and I assure you that it will get better. You deserve happiness and love. Don’t give up on it.

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