Every relationship has its dynamics and doubts are one of the packages that come with every relationship, especially a new one. I will attempt to touch what these doubts about a new relationship could be, when they are normal and when they should be a concern.
Possibly, you have been dating your partner for quite a while and things are starting to get serious. You have met a few of their family members, hung out with some of their close friends, and probably considered moving in with them as you see yourself constantly sleepover at their place unplanned.
Things are definitely moving well, you feel so emotionally connected to each other, you enjoy being around each other, but every now and then, you have a few second thoughts about this person, wondering if some of their habits or parts of their past are something you can really deal with in future.
Well, it is safe for you to pause to consider these things but before you do anything rash, you need to know that virtually every relationship has doubts about their significant other at some point. Especially new relationships, right before any commitment is made.
Married people have doubts about marriage at some point. The first doubt crisis in every relationship introduces the real relationship. And whether your relationship will last or not will be dependent on how you and your partner will handle the relationship in the light of those doubts.
What exactly is doubt in the relationship?
Doubt in a new relationship can be a sudden fear about the person you are dating. It can be fear about being totally different from your partner. You are indeed two people with differences.
Doubts can be a form of sabotage. A way you unintentionally push away the person you love before you even know what you are doing.
Doubts can come as a hangover from past experiences. Sometimes we think we are dealing with our present partner, but in reality, we are only assuming certain things or judging things about our present relationship based on past experiences. For instance, you may have some doubts or reservations when your partner expresses his love or faithfulness to you and the relationship because you have been deceived once or more in your past relationships and now, you find it difficult to trust someone else.
Doubt can be hiding your fear of intimacy. Fear of letting someone into your personal space and sharing your life with them.
Doubt in a new relationship does not always have to be all about your partner, they can also be your own doubts about yourself. You could be scared that your partner may not be able to handle your own secrets or past experiences or lifestyle. You are not sure they can handle some deep things about you, and you allow these insecurities to get the better part of you in your relationship.
Doubts might even be your own feelings about yourself that you are putting onto the other. If you doubt your partner loves you, is it possible you don’t, deep down, really love yourself?
Doubt is a normal response to change. It could also mean that things are progressing to another stage of commitment where differences are worked on and growth happens.
Most of the time, doubt is not always the problem, it is your inability to create the right atmosphere for communication in your relationship. It is often a lack of communication that tends to be the true issue.
Meaning that when you give yourself time to understand the root or object of your doubt, it could just be a matter of talking through, understanding through and working through things for the next stage of your relationship, unless of course, you let doubt get the better of you.
Here are 10 Doubts about new relationships we all share:
I Struggle To Get Along With Their Family
Your potential in-laws are such a strong influence on your relationship. Having the intention to build a positive relationship with them is an indication that you mean well for you and your partner. A good relationship with your partner’s family and people important to them bodes well for the relationship. It leads to unity and stronger ties in your relationship in the long term.
You must understand that it is absolutely normal if your partner’s family feels uneasy about you or towards you. Doubt about whether you fit into your partner’s family is to be expected, and the idea of having someone totally different from them in their space and having a special place in the life of someone they have loved and cared for deeply for a long time. So permit them, if they are not very warm and receptive to you.
Just make sure you and your partner are willing to work things out with them. Give them time and take your time too. Prove to them that you have not come to eat where you didn’t sew, you have come to be an addition to their family, to share in their love, joy, and pain and in return be your best.
Also, you and your partner should be able to create some ground rules where your families are concerned. You and your partner should be able to defend each other from a family member’s criticism or negotiating how much time is spent with parents and siblings.
Your partner may not be everything you need in bed, including the specifics of your desires as well as how often you want to get it says.
Communication is the life wire of every relationship and sex is a type of communication, that goes to explain why it is important that you stay satisfied sexually
But just because someone may not be blowing your mind in the bedroom doesn’t mean you should rashly do things that you may regret later. When your partner is not doing what you like, talk to them. Show them where and how you want them to handle you, teach them.
Remember, it’s up to you to communicate what you want. Don’t go judging, commanding or controlling, explain, ask and express while keeping it playful and reserving judgment may be all you need to do to have what you need to have.
I Think I Am Attracted To Someone Else
You probably met someone, who looks altogether and your kind of spec in a partner and you have already started imagining what a relationship with this person may be. And you are already considering giving it a try just because you feel a rush of emotions when the thought crosses your mind.
Hold on a bit. Harmless flirting is nothing until you communicate in a way that you are single and ready to mingle. You should also bear in mind that if you end things with your partner because of the new attraction you feel for this fresh cutie, that you will keep ending things after every relationship honeymoon stage because you are going to keep being attracted to other people and you will never be able to keep or maintain a long term committed relationship.
I Think I Am Settling
If you are wondering if you are just settling, you think you are staying in a relationship that’s less than ideal because you think it is all you have ever known is very common and relatable to most of us.
This doubt or fear always comes to the surface when the relationship is on the verge of a more serious commitment.
Often these hesitations are just ordinary flare-ups of anticipation anxiety, thinking that there is a perfect person waiting for you out there is a false hope.
If you find yourself here, talk these feelings out with your partner, continue to explore where the both of you meet in terms of values, and try not to compare yourself to other couples.
Wondering If This Is My Forever Person
There’s a difference between just dating and true commitment. Sometimes, we start a relationship with someone not knowing how long we are going to be in the relationship. But then, as thing progresses you get to a point where you have to wonder, Is this the guy I’m going to marry?
You are not alone. So many relationships passed through this doubt before they made their decision to stay or not to stay.
It is very normal to wonder if the person you are dating is the person you are going to be with forever. In fact, if you don’t ever wonder that at any point, then that could be a cause for concern.
Will They Be Good Parents?
This is almost the most typical of them all. Imagining your partner as a parent. While they might be a great company to chill with, see movies and hang out with. You can pause to wonder if this special someone is going to be a good partner for parenting to your children someday.
This question is very common, and it’s also a necessary bother for every serious-minded person when thinking about moving forward in your relationship.
So not only is it a second thought that everyone has in their relationship, but it’s a second thought that everyone should have in their relationship.
However, some doubts are not very unhealthy and do not deserve working on it. Below is 4 unhealthy doubts you should not deal with.
Please do not give excuses for your partner, if they constantly humiliate you in public by being socially inappropriate or in any other way. No humiliation is better than the other.
When your partner constantly makes you feel less of yourself, makes you feel beneath them, that is not something you are going to want to deal with for the rest of your life.
This is you submitting yourself to a toxic relationship and emotional abuse and if this continues, you should consider seeking help from loved ones or a therapist to exit the relationship.
Different Core Values
We all have different core values that shape our approach to life. This is something that you should seriously look into. if your core values are extremely on the opposite side of each other, it could be a potential roadblock to growth in the future.”
To evaluate whether or not your core values will pose a long-term problem, you should consider how it affects your partner in the relationship, and how it affects your feelings of satisfaction in the relationship.
It is important that your core values align with your partner’s, this will show in your future goals as a couple.
Do not explain it away. Too often we compromise and in the end, still, realize that the relationship was not heading in the same direction.
This one needs your attention. If you find out that your partner is constantly lying to you about everything and anything, that’s something you shouldn’t take lightly. Just in the same way communication is rated, honesty is another bedrock to a relationship.
When your doubt is that your partner is always unable to be open and honest in the relationship, it is a red flag that should not be ignored.
Level Of Attraction
Once the initial six months milestone is reached for most relationships, the honeymoon period wears off, partners start to see each other in a different light. Feeling doubts or insecurities over your level of attraction to your partner or whether they are attracted to you is another important relationship doubt that shouldn’t be ignored.
Feelings can fleet or influence easily, but if you are noticing an issue with your partner around the attraction, and you value this person. Talk about it, do not ignore it. Do something about it.
All things considered, it is very normal to feel doubt about your relationship no matter what stage you are your partner are in. The important thing to keep track of is whether your doubts continue to grow. If someone is not treating right, it’s important not to ignore those red flags.
If you have any of these normal, passing doubts, don’t stress out. These fears are self-generated, normal and most of the time necessary.