You know what it’s like walking down the aisle in that perfect white dress and yet seeing everything fall apart after you leave the altar. Now, you’re engaged again and you can’t help but feel a bit scared and even worried. It’s perfectly natural and it is not your fault.
The divorce rate these days is so high and unfortunately, it seems to be increasing. Nearly fifty percent of marriages crash and burn. But, this is a new start, and a fresh page to do it right. It’s frightening but you’ve come to know, love and grow with this person in other for both of you not to crash you need to know some certain things.
Being committed to a relationship isn’t like the books and stories say. It takes work from both sides and it’s often a tasking ordeal. But its reward is a lifetime of happiness with someone who deserves and has earned you. It’s okay to feel anxious, and a bit worried about being engaged again.
The thought of a lifetime with someone is enough to make some people jump a fence. So, you need to be sure about this before you tie the knot again. Mistakes happen but in other for them not to become trends in your life you need to take some extra measures to ensuring and protecting yourself as well as your partner involved. Planning and careful thinking is key to a wiser decision.
And it’s far better to take these actions now than risk taking them when it’s too late and breaking apart what you just newly started. It burns and we can only walk through fire a handful of times. Anything more and we’ll be too burnt for recovery.
Below are five and a half simple things that you absolutely need to look into before getting engaged again.
1. Is this the right person for you?
It’s easy to get swept up into the fantasy of ‘us’. We all want to be happy, especially with someone who makes us even happier. And when we get that feeling, even if it might be temporary we jump at it. But jumping could lead to several mistakes and that fundamentally is what we all try to avoid.
There are many Mr. rights, Men that would suit you perfectly. They seem almost like an extension of your personality. Suiting you in almost every way and complimenting your personality as they go on. But nobody’s perfect and that would manifest as time goes on. In fact, time is one of the major keys to uncovering things like this. Although some people are masters in deceit and would most likely hide their flaws almost perfectly. It would still take a keen eye to discover those hidden personality flaws.
The worse you could do to yourself is play ignorant and fall prey to something far worse, a mistake. Understanding the flaws as well as the benefits of being with someone gives you a somewhat realistic view of a relationship and what benefit it could bring.
The absolute first thing that you need to ask yourself before entering into this is ‘is this person right for me?” Giving yourself an honest answer is paramount. Being engaged again is fine, especially with someone who makes you feel incredible when you’re around them. But when it comes to spending the possibility of a lifetime with this person then you need to be careful.
Love is magical but it could turn sour at any moment and you don’t want to repeat another process of filing for divorce. Being engaged again is something wonderful but you don’t want the second time to have a follow-up. The good thing about all of this though, is that you’re at an advantage, you already have preparation. You already have knowledge that could benefit you in this situation.
Think about it. Your previous relationship, what did you wish you knew before you entered into that marriage with him. Most women go into this blindfolded but you’ve been through this. What didn’t you know that you wish you had known before marrying? Use this information to your advantage.
This is a lifelong deal, the contract to be with someone until the end. You don’t want to rush into it. Knowing what you want and being able to state it is important. If you don’t see that this could be the person you want to spend your life with then don’t rush into it.
You want to look back at all of this with a smile and not a deep sigh of regret. Be careful with what you’re entering into and don’t be afraid, if you want some time then you deserve it and you can take it. Don’t let anyone make you feel like you don’t have a choice or this is your last chance at happiness.
If you got engaged again it means that someone loved you enough to put a ring on it again. And if this is not the one for you, then there would be someone even more magical waiting for you.
2. What about the financial responsibilities?
Being able to sort out your financial difficulties is one of the major points that certifies you as an adult. Most people get the luxury of having someone else take care of their bills until they perish. But not everyone has that luxury. Except if your dad is a multi-billionaire or your mother is an heiress you probably worry about finances like everyone else. It’s a natural thing and many homes have broken up because of it.
People feel very uncomfortable talking about money because it opens us up to a very scary reality that we might spend a lot of sleepless nights fussing over. But being completely ignorant of such a fact could lead you down a path of bankruptcy. It’s too risky in today’s world not to know where you stand on the financial radar.
Love is magical but it could turn sour at any moment.
Especially when the knowledge could affect yourself and your potential family. Your engagement shouldn’t turn into one of your biggest financial worries in life.
If your finance is serious about being committed to marriage then he should have a financial plan figured out. Money is such an important aspect of marital life. Getting married could mean the possibility of children and they come with their own list of costly needs. It shouldn’t come as a surprise but it should be part of the plan.
When there’s financial strain, a once happy home could swiftly become an unhappy home. Tense and toxic situation stream from this and could destroy the foundation that you’ve both spent months if not years building. Whomever you choose to walk this path with should be ready to face the realities of what it entails and requires financially.
Also, understanding the other person's financial behavior is important. Does this person handle money well? There’s always those big spenders who have little in their accounts but who would do anything to keep up appearances. That’s a dangerous person to go into a committed relationship with because it almost guarantees financial hardship. You don’t want to be in a situation where it seems like you’re married to someone’s expenses and rather than having a nurturing and loving relationship you’re stuck fearing the next bill. Don’t get yourself sucked into a marriage filled with problems.
This person you’re choosing to be with has to have some financial responsibility otherwise you’ll have to take care of the bulk of your responsibilities. Unless that’s what you wanted from the start but I won’t advise you to put yourself a difficult situation. You’ve been engaged before and now you’re engaged again.
It’s difficult to fathom but it’s your reality now. You can’t go into this without proper planning.
3. What is the level of commitment?
Questioning someone’s commitment after they’ve engaged you may seem silly but in truth, it’s not. Commitment is agreeing to dedicate yourself to something. It takes a certain level of selflessness to give yourself and willingly agree to be with that person for a long time. Some people assume it’s just a matter of saying ‘I do’ and that’s it. But it’s far from it.
The level of commitment one is willing to give to a relationship shows how long the relationship would last. Some people buy into the idea of marriage but are not really willing to see it through. They love love but are not open to storming the hard times that all relationships eventually face. In this, they are not committed. It is imperative to think about how long you’re willing to spend with this person.
Your previous engagement started off with promise and now you are engaged again. What’s making this one different? Is it you? Or is it him?
Most marriages go through several phases, the pristine marriage phase where you both feel elated and so overjoyed with love that it‘s almost making you both breathless. But that phase is short-lived, soon it’ll enter the less than tranquil stage where you both start seeing each other’s flaws and weaknesses.
This is the true test, passing this is what determines a strong from a weak relationship. The strain of marital life is quite scary but not forever. It’s usually short-lived and if you both show dedication and compassion it will survive.
Preparing for storms like this beforehand gives you a sort of edge when they finally hit. You both have to understand each other’s weaknesses and make up your minds to make it work. Being engaged again mustn’t have been easy, put that effort into ensuring that you both don’t crash.
4. How about Monetary prosperity?
Understanding how far you both stand financially is important. You two should be candid about your individual finances. Try to determine an estimate of your combined financial life. See if it’s enough to afford the expenses of a joint lifestyle with the potential of one or two addition. Like I mentioned earlier, you don’t want to both become financial burdens to one another so state what it is.
Bring out your bill, expenses, charges and make clear calculated estimates. Do you both make enough to afford the lifestyle you both envision? If you do then you’re one step closer to marital happiness. If one of you is badly in debt then it’s something serious to consider and deal with. Marriage itself is an expensive endeavor and it’s ill-advised to enter into it without previous knowledge or preparation. Most people spend fortunes on the ‘perfect wedding’ and end up with a long list of debt after. Especially when the financial demands of today’s world keeps becoming more demanding.
Being candid and clear about things like this with your partner creates an ‘us’ mentality. You both have now seen yourself bare in a very true sense. He knows and you know and that’s that. No secrets. If your partner is feeling less than open to the idea of being open with his finances then that’s a bad sigh.
Entering another marriage or being engaged again after this is not the goal. You’re both dropping your guard to be open with each other and he needs to understand that. If he’s being defensive about it then there might be something that he’s trying to hide and that’s worse. A relationship shouldn’t start with secrets or it’ll end because of them.
There are many Mr. rights, Men that would suit you perfectly. Why rush into another engagement?
5. Level of maturity?
Lastly, you need to know how mature he is. Understand his way of life and see if it correlates with your values. How he’s lived his life prior to the two of you coming together is important. You want to marry someone that would turn out to be completely different from what you previously perceived.
Because you don’t want to be part of the ever-growing divorce count or an adding number in the ever-growing statistics. If you want something long term, you have to think about it. Who was this person before you met them?
Are there things that you don’t know that you should? But don’t get overly paranoid acting like you never knew him. The aim is to be sure you do. Quiz yourself, ask yourself questions about him that no one else should have to tell you. Understand what you know and what you need to learn.
You also want to ensure you both live by similar lifestyles. You don’t want a situation where you get married only to discover he likes to party whereas you’ve never been a fan of public spaces. Such differences could cause rifts in the relationship that you’re both trying to cultivate. These types of things could greatly affect the longevity of the said relationship.
So an understanding of both your personalities is important. How compatible are you too? Have a clear idea of what he’s like outside being with you. Like for instance, how’s his friend circle? The type of people he associates with is telling on himself as a person. Because like it or not, most people are greatly influenced by their associations. If he’s this way now, he might become someone different in the future.
Although, this is a natural progression as no man is meant to stay the same way forever. It’s only natural for him to change by is the change going to be easy for you to live with. Define and understand that so to have a clear idea of what you want and feel would come out for this relationship.