Granted, no breakup is an easy breakup, none is simple no matter how the relationship ended. After every breakup, you are left with a lot of questions and doubting statements. Questions to ask your ex after a breakup is one among many others that will set your mind up for the healthy healing process.
Doubting statements and questions such as; ‘what if’; ‘If we had’ or ‘had it been’ are the things that often keep nudging our minds, we feel if we have a clearer picture of what went wrong, where you didn’t do well or where you believed too much, we might just be able to move on and count our loss or gain. And yes, you have the right to ask your ex questions after a breakup and it may be much easier to heal and move on when you have the right questions to ask your ex after a breakup
From experience, I can say a breakup hardly ever ends with all the emotions. It could terminate the intricate and intimate parts of the relationship, which is by the way hard to accept as reality, and it also leaves both parties with a lot of emotions, doubts, ideas, fears and some questions needing clarification.
Sometimes, we think it’s best to avoid an ex while we are still hurting. Well, I am an advocate of the no-contact period immediately after a breakup, but if you can’t have a sound sleep or clear head at night because you want to get answers to all the questions in your mind concerning the relationship and the breakup, then, by all means, you will need to know and have the key questions to ask your ex after a breakup to help you heal faster.
We don’t at all times get the possibility to speak to an ex and get all our questions answered, so in case you do, be good about it.
If you still maintain contact with your ex, whether you observed the “no contact period or not” and you think you are ready for the questions to ask your ex after a breakup, it is safer you do this in person. If you do it on phone, you may not get the sincerity that your heart yearns for and if you do it over texts or chats, there is a tendency that it may get out of hand. When you find yourself speaking virtually you may have an invisible wall defending you from embarrassment or remorse. However, I will suggest that if you are going to do this in person, you should choose a location that is not secluded or compromising, especially if there is still existing emotions of any kind because things may flip around and you fall back into a dysfunctional relationship, leading to more harm than good.
It is wise to meet your ex somewhere in public to ask questions and get the closure you need. You may have to do lunch together, meet in the mall, or wherever that it is possible for you to maintain issues calm and cordial without lashing out or rekindling unresolved feelings.
Well, finding somewhere in public to ask your ex questions after a breakup, getting the answers, the closure and feeding your emotions doesn’t mean you will come back with these solutions feeling unfazed by the tip of your relationship, you might get stunned, amazed, shocked and sometimes relieved, but you will still have to take the time to focus on yourself and make your happiness your top priority to get the healing you need and move on with yourself.
Your goal in pursuing this thread should be to get clarification, clear your head and conscience, learn your lessons, embrace your experience and move on. You don’t want to dwell on the previous or what may have been.
With that settled in your mind, you are ready for these key 20 questions to ask your ex after a breakup to enable you to heal faster and move on.
Here are 13 questions to ask your ex after a breakup to heal faster and move on.
1. Did you ever love me?
After a relationship ends, most of the time we start doubting the things we believed were real in the first place, especially if the relationship ended because your ex-partner cheated on you, double-dated or outright betrayal. It shakes the foundation of our self-confidence and challenges what we thought were true. Is it possible that they never meant it when they said they love you? Did they say it just to get you in bed? And when you believed what they said about loving you then, does it mean they already have a timeline (an exit strategy) for the relationship to last? Where you just a means to an end? It is important to know where your ex was coming from when he began dating you.
2. Ask for the whole truth.
Tell them to begin from the start of the relationship if possible or start from when the issues set off. Encourage them to be sincere because that’s the point of this exercise. Though you may get hurt, stunned, surprised you will be cleared.
So, it doesn’t mind if you cry or get angry, you need to deal with the feelings in your best way, so they shouldn’t do you the favor of shielding you from getting by hiding the real fact from you.
Allow them to know irrespective of the way you react now that you want the entire fact with a purpose to move on and can provide the same to them.
3. When did you conclude in your thought that our relationship was ended?
This will help to ease your thoughts and clear some doubts because one thing many of us do after a relationship is ended is to wonder how long our ex-partner concluded the relationship already and was probably just waiting for an excuse to call it to quit. It will be helpful to understand when your ex realized the relationship was nearing its end. You may be surprised to find that the breakup wasn’t a shock to them as it is a shock to you. If you had been on the same page about the exact event that initiated the breakup, you may have been a bit more alert sooner or later.
If this is the case, it might be healing to talk through what happened, the event that initiated the breakup so you can see how and when things changed from their end.
4. When did you realize we weren’t going to work out?
This sounds like the previous question, but it is not the same. This question will help clear the questions as to why you couldn’t make it last longer. It will help you understand why they didn’t fight for the relationship harder, why they didn’t strive for it to work as you wanted and why all your effort to make it work, didn’t change anything.
You will understand why they gave up. The reply to this question will provide you with closure.
5. What do you think were the issues that caused the breakup?
Most times, there is always one event that initiated the final break up, but they are often other reoccurring stuff that drags the grace of the relationship. For instance, when you are always fighting over things, no matter how insignificant the matter may be, it shows there is a deeper issue that has not been dealt with. Another instance is assuming the only reason for the breakup was because you forgot your ex’s birthday, you will be surprised to realize that they have started recording your negligence, forgetfulness or disappointment over the time before the final breakup.
So, if you are still not clear on why they ended things, understanding their position on the issues is will help you.
6. Why were we unable to work through those issues?
No one person is perfect and no relationship is expected to be perfect. Partners are bound to be human and selfish now and then. Mistakes in a relationship are inevitable once in a while. However, not being able to work through conflict is an important indicator that the partners involved are not ready for a lasting relationship.
Once you have managed to understand the root cause of why the relationship didn’t work out, it may be helpful to discuss why you were unable to overcome the issues. For instance, you maybe are fighting to win in every argument, instead of arguing to express yourself and be heard.
7. Is there anything you would have done differently?
After having some time to reflect and process what happened, it’s not uncommon for people to have regrets about things they did or said during a breakup. Although your ex might not feel they were in the wrong, asking if there is anything they would have done differently allows them to take responsibility for their role in the breakup.
8. Were you ever unfaithful?
Not everyone wanting closure is ready to deal with this reply, because it may hurt. But, if you don’t mind, you should ask this question to at least be very sure of what you held up in great esteem. After all, the relationship is already over.
9. Do you think I used to be unfaithful?
Yes, you may need to ask this to also know what they think of you too. It will clear issues up on your ex and also you. If you felt misunderstood, it is time to clear that and if you think you want to reiterate how devoted and loyal you were to the relationship, it’s a chance to do just that.
10. What do you think are my greatest qualities?
You may doubt yourself and your good effort in the relationship. Asking this question will help you pick up your pieces and move one. Realizing that they still see some good in you irrespective of the breakup and hurt that you both have shared. It is not too much to ask and you can give them feedback about their good qualities if they wish to know.
11. Do you wish we never met?
A relationship that didn’t work should be an experience to learn from, develop and become a better person. But sometimes, your ex may wish that you never happened in their history or you may have such feelings too. In case your ex wished they might wipe out your whole historical past collectively, they don’t seem to be mature and this realization will enable you to move on and be glad you did.
12. What do you think you contributed to our relationship?
Is this question really necessary? Yes, it is. You can get clarity and closure, and it also gives you both the opportunity to learn from each other.
It is a time to learn more about your ex and for them to learn one thing from you too. Seeing what they think they did properly within the relationship may be very eye-opening.
This will take away the bitter feelings you might have built up and enable you to regain confidence.
13. Is there something you wish to ask me?
This shows that you are not being selfish. Since this exercise is supposed to offer clarity and closure to your failed relationship, your ex deserves that too. Give them the same sincere responses to their questions that you simply anticipate from them.
Strive not to ask your ex if they miss you if you were good in bed? Are you seeing someone? Do you think you will settle down with her? If you had done one thing differently, or if they regret something. These questions and others like these only pull you again into the connection that’s over.
Finally, asking your ex to relive your breakup can put both of you in a very vulnerable position. So, make sure that you are both comfortable having that conversation, and try to respect their wishes and find another way to gain closure for yourself if they weren’t comfortable having this conversation with you. If they’re OK with meeting up, then it may be helpful to have your answers to these questions to ensure you both walk away with the closure you seek.
After every breakup, especially if we were not the ones that initiated the breakup, we crave closure, which sometimes means learning the harsh realities of the horrible breakup. I mean, nothing sucks more than being told you are not the right person for your ex.
But, we still crave closure. We want to know what our ex thinks, what is going on at the back of their minds. Well, I must warn you, a chat with your ex-partner will either touch your good mood or leave you wanting to rekindle those old feelings, none of which is a better option. If you crave for closure and clarifications, start with these 13 questions. They should help you get clarity, heal faster and move on.