Most of us have had our fair share at what it feels to go through a breakup. No matter what kind of break up you had to go through, mutual, or one-sided, saying goodbye to the person you were once so attached with and deeply in love with is never a sweet ride. If anything, you need to heal, to heal faster after a breakup and to heal healthily.

Even if your heart tries to pick the pieces of its broken self together and gently whispers to you that it’s for the best, and your head consoles you that the pain will pass, the agony of a breakup can be relentless. And, even if we have all had our fair share of having our hearts broken once or twice, if it is not happening to you personally, you are not in the moment. You can only relate but cannot bear nor lift the pain and devastation of the moment off the person going through a breakup.

The pain is there and it’s real for you. This is a person you probably envisioned a future with, you trusted this person with your heart and everything you have got, you invested in the relationship mentally, physically, emotionally and financially, even your time. You thought it was going to last for a very long term and meaningful too. But, somehow, you are stranded, back to square zero, single, lonely, betrayed, disappointed, hurting, miserable and helpless.

People will be telling you it is okay, you will be okay and somehow, you will be okay someday but sincerely, it is not going to be easy to get to the point of being okay. It’s going to take time. It is good to know that people are rooting for you to be okay, some people believe that you will come out just fine and of course, there is always light at the end of the tunnel.

However, there is no easy way to go through this process than to feel your feelings, grieve your loss and confront your fears. Allow the feelings of loss and pain to come. A breakup impacts you negatively whether you dump someone or get dumped. When that love leaves your life, it has a psychological effect that stems out from the breaking of the emotional bond with your partner.

When you’re recovering from a breakup, it’s important not to hurry things along. Yes, don’t be in a hurry, don’t pretend you are not hurting, and don’t form super strong. Take time out to reset, recharge and learn the lesson that the experience has brought with it.

But are there things you can do to fasten your healing process and heal healthily too? Follow on this article as we talk about 10 healthy tips to help you heal faster after a breakup.

What to do after a breakup

1. Cut all the contact.
This is the first rule you should follow after a breakup. It is laying the foundation for your healthy healing. Remove all contacts and keep your distance. Don’t texts, email, meet in person or call, do nothing of such. It also includes taking them off your friend list on Facebook or any other social network. I am not saying make them your life enemies, no! But while the hurt is still fresh and you are still vulnerable, it is only in your best interest to cut them out for this temporary period. This is the most rational thing you could do after a breakup and it will help with the healing process.

Yes, delete all their photos in your gallery. You can’t heal nor move on when you constantly have the choice of seeing their pictures and fantasizing about the past or what might have been the past.

If you insist on not cutting all ties now, you risk falling back into their hands and getting broken all over again or exchanging words with them, which will only add to your pain and make you appear childish. Cutting the ties for good when it’s over puts you on a faster path to healing.

2. Let your emotions out, vent it out.
It’s a legit thing to do. Vent it out. Keeping your emotions all in, never does any good to anyone, especially when grieving a lost relationship. Take a while to sit and have a good cry, if you feel like it. I never advocate making a public shame of you; you don’t need to make a public spectacle of yourself. Take time off from everything and go somewhere private to unwind. Cry, sob your eyes out, scream and yell if that’s what it takes to vent out all your emotions. As long as it doesn’t include hurting yourself or others, find ways to release and let go of the pain you may be feeling. When people say all breakups are bad, when they say break up sucks, it is because they really do. Don’t take this part of the healing process away from yourself, if you do, it will hinder your progress at healing. Embrace your feelings, find ways to let go of these pent up emotions. They will get less intense the more that you let them out. And if you want to heal and move on? Then vent them out.

3. Be easy on yourself.
Resist the temptation to think too much about what happened. Resist the urge to blame yourself or hate yourself. Resist the idea to fantasize about what you should have done differently. Yes, you were probably at fault, and even if you are, do not put yourself down. Do not beat yourself too hard. Go easy on yourself and do not think for a moment that you deserved it or feel unworthy just because you broke up with your partner or they did.

We all make mistakes. Don’t give your mind the room to build up negative thoughts or energy about yourself or even your ex. We make mistakes to learn from them, and move on. That’s life. If you were the main cause of the breakup, and you think it’s there is a chance you can still fix things, then ask your ex to forgive you and if it doesn’t fix the relationship, then move on. And if your partner was the one cheating on you and hurting you, then try to forgive and move on. Hate is a negative emotion and it drains you of any positive energy left in you. Hating someone takes up a lot of your emotional energy, and realistically it’s just not worth it.

4. Reclaim yourself.
The journey to finding yourself is hard because most of us don’t even have time to just sit down and think about what we should actually think about to reclaim our self-concept. Who are you outside the relationship? Can you find that person again? It is critical in your journey of healing and moving on, to reclaim yourself and establish who you are outside the relationship. It is easy to have ignored a part of you in the relationship, it happens to the better part of us. We forget who we are, what makes us happy, what makes us tick, what fulfills us, all in a bid to make our partner happy. It is time to think about the parts of you that might have been pushed aside during the relationship. When you’ve found these, find ways to build them and nurture them. 

Find new ways to expand yourself-concept. Take up new interests, establish new goals. Meet with people whom you can be free to be your unique reclaimed self. Maybe people who share the same interest or family and friends.

When your heart has been broken, it can take a while to find your way back to who you really are, but you will get there.

Reclaim and expand those things about you that were beautiful, strong, vibrant and extraordinary before the relationship. It can be a long journey but you can take your time to go through to this journey because your destination is worth it!

5. Explore and Have Fun.
Do something that makes you smile, laugh and feel good inside. It can mean trying spontaneous and silly things. Try spending time with your family and friends. These are people who truly love, support and understand you despite what your life may look like presently. Surround yourself with these people, they are full of positive energy for you and it also shows that your ex wasn’t the only one who loved you. Do something new and exciting that you always wanted to do alone. You may need to reconnect with long-lost friends

Travel around spend a little touring around if that is you. A change of surroundings will help put issues in perspective for you; making you feel alive again in the long run.

Go out with your friends. Spend quality time with your friends and family, party with your friends more. Hand out with your friends and have a great time, but don’t go drinking yourself to stupor and start misbehaving. Go to a house social gathering, go dancing at a club, have a film night time. No matter it is, spend time with friends and share some laughs.

Enjoy your life.

6. Don’t rush into another relationship.
Most people don’t think this through, they allow themselves to make the mistake of dashing into another relationship when they have not healed nor moved on from their ex. A new relationship doesn’t help you move on. Though it’s very tempting to want to assume that a new relationship does help you move on, but in all honesty, it doesn’t. if for anything, it compounds things for you and your new partner. As soon as this new relationship ends, you’re going to have the main breakdown.

Breakup sometime can be a good thing, because there’s literally no better time to re-brand yourself than after a breakup. Sure, it sucks, and you definitely have to take the time to grieve your loss and pain. But, do you have to continue dwelling in that pain? No! And you also don’t have to jump into the next available relationship.  

Give yourself time to grieve. Don’t bounce into another relationship too quickly, thinking that it is the easier route to take. You are just prolonging the inevitable pain.

7. Don’t immediately suggest staying platonic with them and if they do, tell them you need to think about it.
This is an impulse because you don’t want to seem like you care too much about the breakup, plus you may be thinking it may rekindle the old fire. But truthfully, during this hard breaking-up period, it can be difficult to tell whether you will be able to stay friends with them. Generally, one person wants to be friends and the other wants to be more. You are not admitting defeat by not staying friends with them. You are doing the right time by taking time out to focus on your happiness first.

8. Pay attention to your thoughts.
Start to notice when you are thinking about the relationship, and track your thoughts. Where do your thoughts go? How often are you finding yourself thinking about what might have been? And how does it making you feel? It is general knowledge that the more we think about something, the more ingrained it becomes. What you can do is to ensure not to hold on to your ex’s memories and don’t deny that they exist.

Acknowledge it, smile or cry. Let the memory go instead of holding or hiding it. Don’t try to escape from your feelings. Face them. But deliberately clear out things that stimulate memories. The trick here is to be mindful of which thoughts you are “strengthening” to maximize your healing from being heartbroken after a breakup.

9. Indulge in books, exercise, movies, and music.
When you are on the journey of self-recovery and healing from a breakup, you need to keep yourself busy with something that interests you. Just like addiction, you need to replace the time with something that you enjoy. This is where hobbies come in. Go back to your hobby or get a new one. Read books but avoid romantic novels. Watch moves but avoid emotional movies. Listen to music that flares positive energy in you. Exercise and go outside the more. Regular exercise helps keep you healthy, keeps you active, and even boosts your mood.

10. Do what feels right, forgive and move on.
It is all about you at the moment. All good meaning friends including me suggest going out the more but if you wish to stay at home, then do so. Don’t do things that make you feel uncomfortable. But remember that your goal is to heal healthily and faster, don’t let anything delay or derail your progress or process.

The part of forgiving is a favor that you are going to do for yourself to move on. Getting to this point may not be easy and it may take a long while, but whatever it takes, you owe yourself that to heal and move on.

Finally, decide what you want for yourself, determine to achieve it and get up and achieve that for yourself. Your healing is in your hands, how long your healing will take is also in your hands. So, you have to decide what you need to do for your mental and emotional health. Concentrate on yourself, and only then you will be able to move on.