Avoiding the hideous friends zone is every guy in love with a platonic friend’s dream.
Every guy knows how exhausting it is to find ways and methods to intimate a lady you want her, get her to accept you and still avoid being relegated to the friend zone. This relegation is the daily risk you run if you are already friends with the woman of your dream.
The trouble is, how do you get her to accept you as her lover, and not mistake you as a normal friend? How do you step out of the friend zone and own her heart romantically?
It is like leaping out of an airplane, hoping that the parachute will open and that you simply won’t crash if she turns you down. Yes, it can bring a whole lot of troubling feelings. Afterall, she alreasy sees you in a different light: a mere, even if trusted friend
So how will you ensure that telling her you want her won’t make her run or turn you down?
Well, while I can’t offer you a 100% assurance that she’ll love you right back, my aim is to show you ways you can show your emotions and not mess it all up or have her bailing out on you.
If you are at present familiar with a girl that you really like, or you maybe are trying to ask a friend out, then read on.
Girls can get scared of relationships mostly due to a past experience, it makes it seem unworthy to try again. Or, they simply are just scared of starting one. Whichever type you are trying to woo, below are my suggestions to help you share and show you emotions. Again, the goal is to reduce the chances of being rejected by her.
First, never make dating her so obvious, you slip and stare for too long. Rather, take the longer route of revealing your true intent via actions. It is always safest to weigh your chances with her before leaning in.
Before you approach her to tell her, try the following as your vehicle.
a) Send hints: get to know her some
First things first; get to know her. Become her friend on a social level. Maybe a little deeper. This way, you get to know her some more; find out her likes, dislikes, her options and views of things you care about. Learn about the things and topics she cares about. Get close but not too close to the friend zone.
You can start by complimenting her looks, hair and then diving into the conversation.
Choose your words carefully. You can start with words like;
‘You look lovely!’ rather than “you look hot!”
Ladies like a little surprise, especially kind gestures that they weren’t expecting. Note some of those things she talks about and then DO something about them.
Start asking about her plans for the future, about her take on issues that you care about. In some of these conversations, the reveling word you can discreetly use is ‘us’, ‘we’ etc. Use select words to show you see her in your future. Watch her reaction and reply. If she’s cool with the possible idea of an ‘us,’ then keep closer. She is likely thinking about you the same way you think about her.
b) Act before you ask:
In avoiding the friend zone, actions will at all times speak louder than words and while girls love to listen to what you say, it is your actions that will seal the deal. Instead of talking about it, SHOW her you love her. Find ways to first, be relevant and dependable to her. Show her what she means to you in subtle but meaningful ways.
It is probably too big a gamble if you just walk up to her and tell her. First, while testing the waters and getting to know her, move a step up by ACTING. Take her options seriously and try to do something about it. I am not asking you to go out of your way to break your bank account just to please her. Simple things usually go a long way in making lasting impressions.
The easiest way to do this is simply to learn about her love language. If you haven’t read Dr Gary Chapman’s book, the 5 Love Languages, then you must; it will change your view about love and women.
For your benefit, there are 5 ways through which women (and men) give and receive love. The reason why some acts, (even a hug for instance), is preferred (to say, a gift) by woman A, while woman B would have none of it is attributed to her love language: that is she simply connects in a different way.
The five love languages are:
- Acts of service (doing things for her)
- Quality Time (spending quality and undivided time together with)
- Physical Touch (affection, kissing and intercourse)
- Gifts (shopping for her issues she appreciates)
- Words of Affirmation (telling her optimistic things to lift her spirit, compliments and so on)
Your job is to find out which is her love language, and determine to communicate with her through that language. Please note; everyone has a drop of all the love languages, but one is generally dominant. Also, caution is needful. For instance, if her love language is Words of Affirmation, to what extent can you compliment her without coming off as overdoing it? Avoiding the friend’s zone involves you quietly becoming dependable and in sync with her. Show this by observing her love language.
c) Select the proper medium for you – textual content, name or face-to-face
You have kept to the script. You have observed AND KEPT her love language, you are confident she will really consider your advances when you tell her your intentions, it is time to decide how you will communicate this to her.
Do you prefer texting? Are emojis your thing? Or you prefer a face-to-face conversation? The trick is to decide on: either an established medium of communication between the both of you, or simply defer and use her established means. If she likes research, mysteries or puzzles, employ a bit of it. The goal is to effectively communicate your love, without sounding obtrusive or out of way. The goal is to win her heart, and the way to go is to pass your message in the way she is coolest with.
There is no one way to do this. Just note that the best is to reach her in the best way she likes to be reached. Most people prefer face-to-face deal (and usually, this is the best way), but be mindful of the jolt if she rejects you. So try not to make a face-to-face meeting happen in public!
d) Timing is crucial
This is the key to this puzzle. You want to carefully pick an ideal time to share your feelings. It is critical to be sure it is in the ideal environment. So don’t do this when you are not clear of the right time. The wrong time is when you are both drunk, fighting or arguing, in public or not in great talking terms.
Avoid showmanship and public displays. The last thing you want is for the public to have a direct impact on her decision. This is almost inevitable if you decide to ask her out right in the presence of everybody or in the mall. Doing this may lead to pressure on her and can effectively change her mind.
Caution is critical. You want her to tell you her choice, without undue sentiments, So, make it a private, level-headed affair. Ensure she is in a relaxed state. It can be a plus if you just recently did something good for her (remember her love language?). This can set the tone for reaching her.
Being strategic in your timing does not mean you should not be flexible. In fact, the best thing to do is not waste time. Once sure she is the one, and she is possibly on the same page as you, find/create a right time to tell her.
If can be a magical moment when both of you are out on a casual date, alone. It can on your way back home. Remember to reduce the pressure, and stress by not putting it as a do-or-die affair. She is a woman and should have her voice. So when she asks for time to think about it, give her the time and the space.
e) Do it, Say it, Tell and Ask!
Now you are in the right environment, and have created the right atmosphere. This is the time when you show your feelings and intentions. There isn’t a turning back now! The truth is, if you followed the steps above, by now you will at least know if she will accept you or not. At this time, the guesswork is usually removed: it is a moment of truth of which you are almost certain. I know, there are the cases where you feel she is ‘feeling’ you and giving all the green lights, where as her heart is not in line.
But at this time, you own goal is to let her know how you feel about her. You have to let if off your chest at this time.
You can start with a simple phrase such as ‘I think I am falling in love with you.’ What you don’t what to do is to drool in stutters. Be bold and say your mind with confidence. Give good reasons why she is perfect for you. When you talk about how you want her in your life, your past deeds and words will speak for you in her mind. She is a human and will naturally think about the things you have done and continue to do.
f) Anticipate the very best, but plan for the worst
Yes, anticipate the best – her not only accepting you, but fully plunging deep in to loving you as you can imagine, but also plan for whatever happens. Like I mentioned earlier, it is possible that you observe all the points discussed and still wrongly judge her feelings for you.
This is why it is important to plan for whatever comes.
Be optimistic though. Think of it this way: If she accepts you, great! Great!! Triple great!!! Get on to the next steps of dating, love and bliss with her.
If she rejects you, fine. Well, not too fine. But move on with it in stride, and keep being nice and genuine to her. Give her some months on the issue and just live your life as close as you two can be. Come again after some time to ask again. Hopefully by this time, she will fully see what a great guy and friend you are.
But what you don’t want to do if she turns you down is to get mad, jealous or grumpy. Simply understand it is her decision at this time.
And decisions do change over time. So be nice, keep faith and ask again later on.
Here’s the recap:
- Begin dropping some hints and look ahead to her response
- Present her first earlier than you inform her
- Select the proper technique to say it (in individual is often greatest)!
- Select the best timing
- Say it loud and clear
- Hope for the very best however anticipate she might not really
So guys, as soon as you decide she is your right fit for you and are ready to move your friendship to the next level, think of how you can employ these strategies.