Narcissists are human beings who have been damaged probably from their childhood. They can also inherent narcissism simply from their family. They are unable to feel consistently happy with anyone, even themselves. They are like wolves in sheep’s clothing. Their content is monstrous but the container can be very charming. 

A narcissist lover will be sweet and charming until they feel they have trapped their partner on their web. They will gladly feast on the vulnerabilities they entrusted on then, make a mess of their lives and still blame their partner for the mess they created.

Yet despite the blood-thirst dripping down their tongue, their charming mask remains perfectly in place, a lifetime of practice no doubt, and sadly, some women will wave off the bloody warnings and suffer the fate that other women have suffered, not wanting to learn from other people’s mistake. Unfortunately, all that glitters are not gold.

If you inquire from the victims - narcissist lovers, they will all have one thing in common; they all hope and keep hoping that with honest communication and enough effort in the right places one day, just one day, things will turn around for good. Good thoughts! So, they begin to blindly obey every demand and command given to them. They cut ties with friends and families, they stop hanging out and doing what they love to do, they stop pursuing their dreams, stop living life for themselves. They do everything possible to be all-supportive and dutiful. They think they will ever be good enough, so they use their hands and enslave themselves until they become very vulnerable and living on the edge.

While they do this, they merely give the narcissist more opportunity to strengthen their ego and add to the power they chase. The power to subdue and entrap them.  

A narcissist relationship is always off balance, it is impossible to ever measure up or find stable ground. There is always something missing in every effort you out in to make it work. The game is never changing because it’s always a game of power and control. A narcissist is addicted to power and the feeling of being in control. They are addicted to luring someone in, parading them around for their image, devouring them whole and then eventually spitting them out. A cruel punishment they convince themselves that their victims deserve for being weak enough to love them.

Narcissists are pathological. They have patterns and can be predicted. If you learn the games they play, they are entirely predictable; you could set a watch by their behaviors. Though it is better you learn by reading about them, listening to people’s stories or watching it in movies, than experiencing it firsthand. You can lose yourself entirely.

Narcissistic abuse doesn’t happen suddenly, it’s insidious, creeping in slowly, until one day you don’t recognize yourself. It is the epitome of domestic violence, a slowly dehumanizing and purposeful soul rape.

Narcissists install a mental filter in your head, massaging your expectations down bit by bit per time. Before you know it, everything you do, say, or think, goes through this filter.

Everything you think, say or do, you will unconsciously test with “Will he get upset if I do/say/think this? Will he feel hurt, react or disapprove this?” Your wants and desires are brushed aside so often that eventually you are conditioned not to have them. Expressing your needs only leads to pain.

The following list is not conclusive but it will help to a great extent in opening your eyes to what to expect from a narcissist. What you will get from them whether living with them or simply in a relationship.

Healing and Moving on

Sincerely, making an effort to understand why what happened and finally getting the clarity and closure you desire may only lessen the pains, if at all it does. However, the disappointments, betrayal, cruelty, emotional damage you have experienced will still be there. Nothing is ever going to take care of the emotional pain you have felt after years of abuse except time.

As someone you have given yourself to for some time, you will be tempted to focus more on trying to understand your abuser, figuring him out and pitying him than focusing on your healing and taking care of yourself.

You have stopped taking care of yourself and your happiness for a long time that you may not even know how and where to begin taking care of yourself and your happiness again.

The problem is, the more you dig more into him, the more you get yourself entangled with him and you will be denying yourself a chance at healing.

You should know by experience that narcissistic men attach themselves to empathetic, kind, and caring women. Your kindness and caring nature make you an easy target during the dating period, marriage and even during the divorce process.

You will always want to excuse his cruel behaviors and always making efforts to fix him. Well, if you must heal and move on from a narcissistic man, you must disentangle yourself from him. Stop giving excuses for his mess. Put boundaries where necessary. place a ban on him if you must, so you can take care of yourself.

Making excuses for him will not only keep you emotionally attached to him but also keep you from moving toward healing and probably moving on.

For your information or rather a remembrance, not all people who were abused grow into abusers. We always have choices and options in life. I didn’t have a perfect childhood, but I didn’t choose to take it out on others.

Emotional problems are no excuses ​​​​​for bad behaviors.

They are bullies. Bullies with bad childhoods but it isn’t your job to fix a bully who doesn’t want to be fixed or feel he needs to be fixed. Move on.

Finally, knowing what to expect from a narcissist and why they hurt and abuse their victims psychologically and emotionally, is key to knowing when you might be falling prey into their traps. If you have already suffered their mess, it will help you heal. You owe them nothing except pity the sad little boy inside them; the sad little boy who throws tantrums and hurts people before they can hurt him. Sadly, there is nothing anyone can do to help that little boy and you can’t hold him close anymore.

Sincerely, making an effort to understand why what happened and finally getting the clarity and closure you desire may only lessen the pains, if at all it does. However, the disappointments, betrayal, cruelty, emotional damage you have experienced will still be there. Nothing is ever going to take care of the emotional pain you have felt after years of abuse except time.

As someone you have given yourself to for some time, you will be tempted to focus more on trying to understand your abuser, figuring him out and pitying him than focusing on your healing and taking care of yourself.

You have stopped taking care of yourself and your happiness for a long time that you may not even know how and where to begin taking care of yourself and your happiness again.

The problem is, the more you dig into him, the more you get yourself entangled with him and you will be denying yourself a chance at healing.

You should know by experience that narcissistic men attach themselves to empathetic, kind, and caring women. Your kindness and caring nature make you an easy target during the dating period, marriage and even during the divorce process.

You will always want to excuse his cruel behaviors and always making efforts to fix him. Well, if you must heal and move on from a narcissistic man, you must disentangle yourself from him. Stop giving excuses for his mess. Put boundaries where necessary. place a ban on him if you must, so you can take care of yourself.

Making excuses for him will not only keep you emotionally attached to him but also keep you from moving toward healing and probably moving on.