The lovebomb, despite sounding like something you will hardly sign up for, is a narcissist’s cryptic way of manipulating others with overwhelming love and affection. There is nothing romantic about it. If anything, it is toxic.
Anyone and everyone can fall victim to love bomb because every human being innately craves love and affection. We all want someone romantic. Lovebomb is a very effective tactic because everyone wants to feel good and loved. This explains why people find it hard to understand why love bombing is a negative thing until they are deep into the red sea.
Love bombing focuses on really getting the other person with excess love, attention, sacrifice and more. Then when they feel like they got the person and they feel secure in the relationship, the narcissist typically switches and becomes very difficult, abusive, or manipulative. They will automatically switch from super idealizing, adoring and worship their partner to devaluing, blaming, abusing and manipulating them.
It’s normal to be over-the-moon about a new crush. Imagine when you have failed one or two times in searching for love, amid all your trial and error, you meet someone who is not supposedly only into you but also awesomely showers you with the kind of constant attention, affection, and validation you have always dreamed of. You will be so sure that you have found the right person.
But if all that positive attention of love, romance, and affection you are getting are beginning to feel obsessive or if the relationship feels like it’s moving abnormally fast, your newfound love could be engaging in a form of psychological manipulation, in this case, love bombing.
Even if you are positive that your new partner is the real deal and your love for each other is genuine, it is always necessary to always keep your eyes open to potential red flags in your relationship. Anything that will tamper with your emotional well being, in the long run, is not right for you.
If you realize the person you’re with is doing any sort of manipulative behavior, you should do what you can to safely remove yourself from an abusive situation and to seek out support systems outside of the relationship.
What exactly is a love bomb?
A love bomb refers to the form of emotional manipulation in which a person, often a narcissist, “bombs” you with an extreme level of affection, flattery, gifts, and praise early in the relationship to win over your attention to be able to control you.
This is a form of manipulation, which narcissists and other toxic people often use. It involves using extravagant gestures and displays of affection very early in the relationship to gain power and control. Unlike real love, it is a self-centered, anxious pursuit, to acquire someone as a property or an object because it boosts the bomber’s ego.
And make no mistake: there is nothing “loving” about these calculated acts.
Love bombing is scarier than it sounds. Essentially, love bombing is when a new partner showers you with extreme amounts of affection and love to win you over. Then, once you are settled into a relationship, they will withdraw all that affection and show who they are, which usually includes manipulators and controllers.
But it’s tough to notice the early signs of love-bombing since it generally takes place during the early days of the affair.
How is love bombing different than a sincere romantic gesture?
At the beginning of every relationship, it’s normal for both parties to do nice things for each other( remember it is said both parties). When love bombing is involved, the love bomber doesn’t pause to ask if he or she is alone in the relationship, when the giving is not reciprocated in any way. This act of giving may appear generous when really, they are self-serving paving ways to make themselves indispensable in your life.
There is nothing wrong with being very amazing and doing some exceptional things, that are being romantic. Love bombers use grand gestures to manipulate. They use grand romantic gestures in someone to get something they want, usually some combination of sex, money, attention, a live-in housekeeper and access to important people.
There are some kind gestures that when you receive them after a year in a relationship, it is considered romantic but when those gestures come in the first month of the relationship it becomes a potential red flag because they come off scary. Don’t allow anyone to love you in a way where you feel you indebted and can’t leave the relationship when you must leave.
A romantic person in a healthy relationship recognizes that a potential long-term relationship takes time and they are willing to allow the other person time and space, respecting their boundaries and opinions.
A new relationship that begins to resemble a romantic movie or romance novel is a red flag. Love bombers can’t love you because they don’t even know who you are yet and they don’t have the time to.
The thing about love bombing is that it doesn’t last forever. Once the toxic person has taken what they need from you, or has earned the dependence, fear, and trust they need from you, they will change to a total opposite. A person who was once affectionate and attentive suddenly becomes scornful and controlling.
They seem to be doing all the giving until you realize you are doing all the giving and they have used you for your body, your wallet, your home, your caretaking ability, and your empathy.
When you try to use your independence and space by speaking your mind or making plans with friends and family the love bomber feels like their position of power is threatened. Then, they may punish you to regain control. They may even stop you from having friends over in your house, stop you from seeing your friends and family and sometimes stop from going out.
When the love bomber becomes abusive, he might try to love to bomb you again with some good gestures, to get you relaxed again.
If you think you are being love-bombed in your marriage, it is time to talk to a third party, friends, counselors, religious leader and find your way out of the marriage.
Signs That Your Partner Is Only Love Bombing You
Love bombing is terrifying because most of us don’t even know it is happening. This is a fine line to walk. They make you feel so special like you have found your soul mate, then you fall in love only to discover you fell in love with a mask or better still a monster.
Identifying the signs of love bombing in your partner will help you stay away from the heartache and trouble later in the relationship.
10 Signs That Your Partner Is Only Love Bombing You
They Always Say What You Want To Hear
A love bomber always knows exactly the right thing to say to you at every time, not because they genuinely care and want to make you feel happy, but because they are going to do everything within their power to get you on their side. Even if it means bending the truth to your favor, they wouldn’t flinch once, as long as it paves way for them to get your attention.
One of the great skills of manipulators is their ability to reading people to find their insecurities. Telling you to want they think you want to hear all the time, and hiding the truth from you is a sign that they will do anything to be in control of every situation in the future. This is their way of receiving affection and attention.
They Say” I Love You” So Easily
All relationships have their paces, but an early “I love you” may be a sign of love bombing. Like I stated early, this is a fine line between love bombing and being romantic. If your partner wants to skip the natural process of falling in love, then they might be a love bomber, or they might just be a hopeless romantic.
Love is something you should think about before saying. A healthy person understands that healthy love takes time to develop, falling in love is a process. They will want to be sure they mean what they are saying before saying it, even if they feel a strong instant attraction. Saying the word “I love you” is like declaring your commitment to one person.
Their Love Is Expressed In Extremes
Being quick to express their love is an understatement. They may even be texting you, calling you and be jumping in on your conversation with other people just to say the “I love you” statement.
They Compliment Are Non-Stop
A sincere compliment is good, but if the compliment is making you feel uneasy, if you feel you can’t feel the sincerity in those compliments or the complement isn’t necessary, then you may need to wake. A love bomber will shower you with compliments that feel shallow or inauthentic simply to butter you up so they can mistreat you in the future.
While a compliment now and then is never a bad thing, but there is time and place or them to be rendered. Mostly, not all the time. Don’t let anyone drown you in compliments to the point that no compliment from anyone else means anything anymore. You can only say “thank you” so much in a conversation before it becomes creepy.
Compliments are great, but when a love bomber is the one giving them, they come with a price. The endless complimenting puts you at risk of being conditioned by the compliments themselves.
You’re Expected To Supply The Affection They Want
Love bombers will always sit next to you, touch you, and see you when they want. And the minute you were not able to be there for them when they need you, they won’t just get mad, but take things to the extreme. If their relationship has moved to the point where you can see them for who they are, then may go to the extent to the relationship, threaten to harm you, your loved ones, or even themselves.
It’s So Good, It Doesn’t Feel Real
No relationship is perfect. But for some reason, you can’t seem to find any fault in your partner in any way. They worship you, make you feel loved and special all the times especially at the beginning of the relationship.
it just feels too good to be real. Granted, it can be scary to follow your gut instinct, especially when it comes to something as confusing as love and relationships. But if something doesn’t feel right and you have an overwhelming feeling that something might be off, it doesn’t hurt to take a step back and try to view your partner more objectively.
Each of us has our flaws and imperfections and that’s exactly what makes us sweethearts. Genuine extremely attractive people, still have flaws and problems. And, they are usually pretty open about their shortcomings. Watch out for love bombers’ charades of perfection at the beginning of the relationship.
If you are a victim of love bombing, they will likely get very jealous and upset with you when you make plans to hang out with some friends. If you are with a reasonable partner, he understands that you have a life outside him. You are allowed to go have some fun.
You Feel Like You’re Being Forced Into A Commitment.
Love bombers invest a lot into the relationship and force an artificial connection, they force their victims into a position where they have to give the love bomber what they want, or else they aren’t being good people.
When the affection becomes too much for you to handle, you feel forced into something you are not sure you can handle. However, you cannot even follow your gut to break up with him, because you cannot say exactly what his fault is.
He can even make you believe you could do better by criticizing everything you do in the name of helping you become a better person. Love bombers will always express what they love about you by placing you on a high ladder, but when they want more of your attention, they will practically knock down people or things in your life to make you believe you deserve more.
They want to only make themselves the hero in your life.
They Are Incredibly Fast
If your new guy cannot wait to make some relationship milestone with you at the early stage of your relationship, then you may have to pause and have a rethink. If he is already talking about moving in together, meeting your family, being your soul mate, marriage and joint account or venture, You have just got yourself a love bomber.
Go ahead and press the red button. The underlying fact is that he might be rushing these important milestones as a way to “lockdown” the relationship, so you will feel too invested to leave him later.
They Have A History
If any of these signs click a button in your mind, then you may need to ask around about your new partner. If you didn’t know this person before you started dating them, then ask about them. You will be surprised to know that you are not their first victim by the way. If you find out that they tend to do this with a lot of their previous partners, this may be a sign they are a serial love bomber.
And ask yourself what you know about them. Are you satisfied with what you know about them? Sit and think about how many of your conversations have been meaningful.
Ultimately, what makes love bombing so scary is that it can be really hard to discern whether a new partner is genuinely head-over-heels for you, or whether all their affectionate, loving behaviors are love bombs in disguise.